Over the past few days the sense of terror and impending doom has gripped our courageous combatants. A less knowledgeable blog might attribute this fear to Lily's new Facebook account, a day that will certainly live in infamy. But The Blog, with its tireless band of researchers, research assistants, interns and trained monkeys, has come to a different conclusion. In fact, our intrepid investors have all come to fear one thing: the unknowable beast called Mike Wolfson.
Things began innocuously enough, when Mike privatized his portfolio. Rumors flew every which way. Was he buying up shares of Harley Davidson by the thousands? Had he sold everything, in the hopes of weathering the storm. Marvin commented, saying, "This is a big one. A huge move. One of epic proportions. Definitely, definitely an impactful decision. Yes, indeed." Other, perhaps, more articulate and wise persons believed Mike was merely shorting the market. Thus, when the market took a drastic turn down, Mike's portfolio appeared to rise in thrilling fashion.
Some of the less hardy investors were spotted at CVS purchasing large rolls of duct tape, bottles of water and Migralex. Despite these fears, The Blog noticed that Mike remains in distant 6th place. Only Marvin lags behind.
It's too early to say for sure whether Mike can or cannot stage such an enormous comeback. But The Blog is certain of one thing: today was not his day.
In other news, everyone besides Meg floundered.
Endorsements:
Sam: Nemo
Charlie: Dori
Lily: Mark Zuckerberg
Ben: Marlin
Steven: Crush the Turle
Mike: Bruce the Shark
Meg: The Breakwater
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1 comment:
Mike will stage an epic comeback. It's actually in the works already. And just to clarify, Meg is cheating.
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